My life in a nutshell

I have decided to write this blog as an an outlet.....to share and encourage.


I guess the best place to start is at the beginning......

I married Corey 2 years ago this month. It was not love at first sight, but love quickly followed. H, my step-daughter, was just 2 years old at that time, and from the moment I met her I loved her. Since then she has become my whole world.

From the minute we got married we wanted to start a family of our own. We were lucky...we got pregnant the very first time we tried:) I remember the moment I told Corey and H, they were both so excited. H has been wanting a sibling for forever... according to her. We couldn't wait for that first appointment. They showed us the heartbeat and we both just cried...this was it..we were going to have our baby.

Not so fast....that sweet baby went home to the Lord shortly after that appointment. We were so sad, but knew that God must have a plan for us and this was not it. As soon as we could start trying we did...and as soon as we did we got pregnant again! That baby too quickly went to be with the Lord through a D&C after 7 wks.
My dr. became concerned so I went to see a fertility specialist. He put me through a slew of test which came back showing nothing significant. We were told it was "bad luck", "not un-common",and a few other things that made me very sad...I just wanted my babies back.

We got the "all clear" sign to start trying again, and again we got pregnant right away. That sweet baby also went to be with the Lord shortly after 8 wks. We did another D&C, this time to gather more genetic information on the fetus. We did find out that our baby had a chromosomal disorder. This did not help our sadness, but did offer the dr.'s some insight.

We did another slew of tests and I was put on an immense amount of medications and we were told to start again. So...we did and....you guessed it, we got pregnant right away. The Lord is so good in some ways. I thought for sure this pregnancy was going to be different. No way could we lose another one. Well...this past January we lost our 4th sweet baby. Another D&C was performed and more genetic abnormalities were found.

It was a hard time to say the least. There were times that I thought I could never get out of bed. I thought I was going out of my mind. I went back over each pregnancy to figure out what I did in that one that I did not do in this one. Did I eat something different? You would probably laugh if you REALLY knew all the questions I asked myself. I just wanted someone, something to blame....but there wasn't anything or anyone. It was and is all part of the Lord's plan for me. It was hard to swallow that, but the day I did I was able to live again.

Today we are seeing one of the most amazing fertility specialist in all of Dallas. He retired once and came back into practice right when I needed him....coincidence????...I don't think so:)
He has me on a plan. I am taking some new meds that are supposed to do something quite miraculous. The plan is, from what I understand, a 70ish day plan. Throughout those days I am being closely watched and monitored. I think we get to start trying again this summer sometime.

It has been a long, hard struggle. But, we are still here and we are still trying. Corey and I have a strong faith and a strong support group for which we are eternally grateful. I know from experience that God will only give you what he knows you are capable of handling. I don't know why he thinks I can handle all of this, but he does...and I will!

I am so grateful to have this place to write and share my thoughts and feelings.

All my love,
Rosemary